Breaking the Silence on Spiritual Abuse
Lisa Oakley; Kathryn Kinmond (2013) Palgrave Macmillan
Reviewed by Lis Goddard, Fulcrum
Not many of us can afford to spend £50 on a book, let alone a book on such a niche subject as spiritual abuse. But then not many of us, at least those of us who are called into leadership within Christ’s Church, can afford to ignore such a book.
We live in an age when ‘leadership’ is a key buzzword, particularly for those of us in ordained ministry. There are numerous books for us to read, leadership courses available for us to do, and constant pronouncements on the sort of leadership and leadership models which lead to that holy grail of church growth. What one rarely sees, is teaching on Spiritual Abuse (SA) – what it is, how to recognise it, how it relates to other forms of abuse, how it develops and what to expect if we find ourselves working with those who have suffered from this very particular and very unsettling form of abuse. This is despite growing acceptance it is an acknowledged form of abuse within the church, particularly as we address safeguarding issues.
It is this gap which this little book (just 124 pages) by Lisa Oakley and Kathryn Kinmond plugs. It is not a book written specifically for those in pastoral ministry but comes out of Lisa Oakley’s initial personal experience and three pieces of research. Two qualitative pieces provide an investigation and analysis of the main messages and themes that emerged from survivors’ accounts and then research by Kathryn Kinmond into therapy with those who have experienced SA. Thirdly, the ‘Church Experience Survey’ which they developed in 2013 as a result of their findings from the first two pieces of research was a predominantly quantitative piece of research which asked questions about aspects of church attendance, SA and relevant intervention and support. On the basis of these they set out to answer some of the questions outlined above, finishing with some key considerations for therapists working in the field which would not be out of place as those in pastoral ministry consider how to meet this challenge. They begin with the simple definition of Spiritual Abuse that it is ‘coercion and control of one individual by another in a spiritual context. The target experiences SA as a deeply emotional personal attack.’ (p.21)
There is no doubt that the very subject of SA can feel a hard one for church leaders to face. It takes real courage to turn the spotlight on an area which involves the abuse of some of the key tenets of evangelicalism, discussed below, which are dearest to us. However, given Christ’s words in Luke 17:1-2 about causing one of his little ones to stumble, we fail to do so at our peril. There is no doubt that this form of abuse, which we find so hard to acknowledge, does serious damage to vulnerable members of Christ’s Body. They are made to feel isolated, fearful, powerless, unable to trust, and that they must be to blame in some way for what has happened. All of this can seriously impact their relationship with God. In the worst cases individuals walk away from their faith entirely, or find it impossible to stay within the church, “I still believe but I don’t do Church anymore.” (p.66)
As Oakley and Kinmond discuss the way in which SA is perpetrated they describe the way in which ‘biblical discourses are reconstructed in the abusive context into abusive discourses’ (p.44). A particularly uncomfortable example of this would be found in the discourse of the Bible as the ultimate authority – something which we as evangelicals would want to hold to. The problem arises when this authority is misused, either overtly or subtly: ‘…the tendency of ministers to use passages out of their biblical context and to distort their original meaning with the sole purpose of controlling the behaviour and thinking of church members’. (p.46) As one interviewee said, “What do you do when someone uses scripture? Do you refuse? Not really, how can you, it would be like refusing God.” (p.46)
Another pivotal element which Oakley demonstrates as differentiating SA from other forms of abuse (and which can come uncomfortably close to such important self-understandings as vocation and God-given authority) is that of ‘divine position’. This is often key to the exercise of SA although SA is not necessarily only perpetrated by those in positions of authority or power - it can be a peer as the key is the ability to convince that one is appointed by God in some way and has the ability to hear from Him directly. Clearly this is particularly an issue for those of us in charismatic churches to be aware of, but certainly not exclusively. I remember very clearly a young man coming to see me after about a year at a new church. He had begun to question one or two things that he had been asked to do and had been told in no uncertain terms “You shall not question the Lord’s Anointed”. There is something very worrying when a church doesn’t allow questioning and when a leader becomes so inviolate that they have absolute power to direct members’ lives and cannot be challenged in any way. It is this sort of ‘divine status’ which can be most damaging within SA, being most personally controlling and destructive.
Alongside the discourse of divine status – and indeed if it is to succeed as a form of abusive control – Oakley also points to the language of obedience. Once again this is a key biblical command for all disciples and none of us would want to undermine it. Sadly, however, the narrative of SA is not one of obedience and submission to loving, self-sacrificing authority, but unquestioning obedience to abusive authority, “where leaders demand blind allegiance for a sense of belonging.” (p.51).
There is not space here to outline all the identifying factors of SA but one last one which bears highlighting is that of accountability. Once again accountability of itself is a good thing within the context of good healthy leadership. Indeed we know that within a healthy Christian community we are meant to be accountable to one another. Within a context of SA, however, this shifts to ‘accountability to an individual who is entitled to know and pass judgement on every area of your life, “I felt scrutinised, checked out. Every move I took seemed to be watched and judged upon.”’ (p.52). I imagine we can all think of examples of ‘heavy shepherding’ from the early days of the charismatic movement, where accountability got out of hand, and intimate control stepped in.
There is much more that could be said about this fascinating little book including warnings for those of us working with those who come out of situations of SA about the damage we may sustain as we listen to their stories. Alongside this there are awful descriptions of the very real damage done to those who suffer this terrible form of abuse and a heartfelt cry that this deeply damaging form of abuse be acknowledged not just by the statutory authorities but by the churches. It may feel unsettling to face some of what is in this book. Some of it cuts near the bone. But far better that as we seek to be the best leaders we can be, we seek too to ensure that anything which harms Jesus’ disciples and undermines his gospel is outlawed from his church.
We live in an age when ‘leadership’ is a key buzzword, particularly for those of us in ordained ministry. There are numerous books for us to read, leadership courses available for us to do, and constant pronouncements on the sort of leadership and leadership models which lead to that holy grail of church growth. What one rarely sees, is teaching on Spiritual Abuse (SA) – what it is, how to recognise it, how it relates to other forms of abuse, how it develops and what to expect if we find ourselves working with those who have suffered from this very particular and very unsettling form of abuse. This is despite growing acceptance it is an acknowledged form of abuse within the church, particularly as we address safeguarding issues.
It is this gap which this little book (just 124 pages) by Lisa Oakley and Kathryn Kinmond plugs. It is not a book written specifically for those in pastoral ministry but comes out of Lisa Oakley’s initial personal experience and three pieces of research. Two qualitative pieces provide an investigation and analysis of the main messages and themes that emerged from survivors’ accounts and then research by Kathryn Kinmond into therapy with those who have experienced SA. Thirdly, the ‘Church Experience Survey’ which they developed in 2013 as a result of their findings from the first two pieces of research was a predominantly quantitative piece of research which asked questions about aspects of church attendance, SA and relevant intervention and support. On the basis of these they set out to answer some of the questions outlined above, finishing with some key considerations for therapists working in the field which would not be out of place as those in pastoral ministry consider how to meet this challenge. They begin with the simple definition of Spiritual Abuse that it is ‘coercion and control of one individual by another in a spiritual context. The target experiences SA as a deeply emotional personal attack.’ (p.21)
There is no doubt that the very subject of SA can feel a hard one for church leaders to face. It takes real courage to turn the spotlight on an area which involves the abuse of some of the key tenets of evangelicalism, discussed below, which are dearest to us. However, given Christ’s words in Luke 17:1-2 about causing one of his little ones to stumble, we fail to do so at our peril. There is no doubt that this form of abuse, which we find so hard to acknowledge, does serious damage to vulnerable members of Christ’s Body. They are made to feel isolated, fearful, powerless, unable to trust, and that they must be to blame in some way for what has happened. All of this can seriously impact their relationship with God. In the worst cases individuals walk away from their faith entirely, or find it impossible to stay within the church, “I still believe but I don’t do Church anymore.” (p.66)
As Oakley and Kinmond discuss the way in which SA is perpetrated they describe the way in which ‘biblical discourses are reconstructed in the abusive context into abusive discourses’ (p.44). A particularly uncomfortable example of this would be found in the discourse of the Bible as the ultimate authority – something which we as evangelicals would want to hold to. The problem arises when this authority is misused, either overtly or subtly: ‘…the tendency of ministers to use passages out of their biblical context and to distort their original meaning with the sole purpose of controlling the behaviour and thinking of church members’. (p.46) As one interviewee said, “What do you do when someone uses scripture? Do you refuse? Not really, how can you, it would be like refusing God.” (p.46)
Another pivotal element which Oakley demonstrates as differentiating SA from other forms of abuse (and which can come uncomfortably close to such important self-understandings as vocation and God-given authority) is that of ‘divine position’. This is often key to the exercise of SA although SA is not necessarily only perpetrated by those in positions of authority or power - it can be a peer as the key is the ability to convince that one is appointed by God in some way and has the ability to hear from Him directly. Clearly this is particularly an issue for those of us in charismatic churches to be aware of, but certainly not exclusively. I remember very clearly a young man coming to see me after about a year at a new church. He had begun to question one or two things that he had been asked to do and had been told in no uncertain terms “You shall not question the Lord’s Anointed”. There is something very worrying when a church doesn’t allow questioning and when a leader becomes so inviolate that they have absolute power to direct members’ lives and cannot be challenged in any way. It is this sort of ‘divine status’ which can be most damaging within SA, being most personally controlling and destructive.
Alongside the discourse of divine status – and indeed if it is to succeed as a form of abusive control – Oakley also points to the language of obedience. Once again this is a key biblical command for all disciples and none of us would want to undermine it. Sadly, however, the narrative of SA is not one of obedience and submission to loving, self-sacrificing authority, but unquestioning obedience to abusive authority, “where leaders demand blind allegiance for a sense of belonging.” (p.51).
There is not space here to outline all the identifying factors of SA but one last one which bears highlighting is that of accountability. Once again accountability of itself is a good thing within the context of good healthy leadership. Indeed we know that within a healthy Christian community we are meant to be accountable to one another. Within a context of SA, however, this shifts to ‘accountability to an individual who is entitled to know and pass judgement on every area of your life, “I felt scrutinised, checked out. Every move I took seemed to be watched and judged upon.”’ (p.52). I imagine we can all think of examples of ‘heavy shepherding’ from the early days of the charismatic movement, where accountability got out of hand, and intimate control stepped in.
There is much more that could be said about this fascinating little book including warnings for those of us working with those who come out of situations of SA about the damage we may sustain as we listen to their stories. Alongside this there are awful descriptions of the very real damage done to those who suffer this terrible form of abuse and a heartfelt cry that this deeply damaging form of abuse be acknowledged not just by the statutory authorities but by the churches. It may feel unsettling to face some of what is in this book. Some of it cuts near the bone. But far better that as we seek to be the best leaders we can be, we seek too to ensure that anything which harms Jesus’ disciples and undermines his gospel is outlawed from his church.
Lis Goddard, Fulcrum, Oct 2015